When I think about the upcoming Scorpio New Moon taking place on Thursday, November 4, I am immediately reminded of the song “Cranes in the Sky” by Solange, from A Seat at the Table. The song is about all the different ways Solange tried to avoid her pain, but ultimately the only way to heal it was to feel it.

This avoidant tactic is very familiar. The number of times I’ve played myself by staying busy rather than sitting in the discomfort, just to have it all backfire, is a lot. And honestly, that’s not even the worst of it, because you don’t know what you don’t know. In other words, I can show compassion for past versions of myself who were simply doing their best with the tools available. It’s current me I got beef with. Miss Ma’am, is it not the definition of insanity to continue doing the same thing while expecting different results?

Over the past few months, as we transitioned from Summer to Fall, I also began my own metamorphosis, shedding the patterns and behaviors that no longer served me. Trading in false humility for earned confidence, forced hustle for well-deserved rest, and self-induced panic for inner wisdom. I’m finally coming into my own, honoring and embracing all that I am. What could go wrong? Turns out, a lot.

In the midst of all of this transformation, I had conveniently ignored the emotional toll that comes with self-discovery and understanding. That avoidant tendency wasn’t willing to go down without a fight. Between recovering from surgery, Mercury being retrograde in Libra, a sign that demands justice, and the constant demands of being a Black woman in America trying to do some good, I had inadvertently (although maybe some part of me knew) created the perfect storm for transformation by fire.

I spent most of the retrograde reflecting on the ways I had set myself up for failure because I didn’t want to believe I deserved better. I was forced to confront my shadow, the icky bits of myself I’d rather just tuck away in a box deep in the attic of my psyche, knowing full well the shadow will not be ignored. That bitch is L O U D. Adding fuel to this already raging fire is my natal Pluto, placed ever so precariously in Scorpio, in my 10th house of legacy. Pluto is the planet of transformation and in its domicile, or comfy cozy home, in Scorpio, the sign of emotional excavation. Basically, my soul’s purpose for this lifetime is to bring the darkness that would rather be avoided to the light. First for myself, then for those around me.

BEING A DISRUPTOR IS FUCKING HARD.

Do you have any idea how annoying it is to constantly be setting yourself up to confront your demons, just to turn around and hold up a mirror to everyone around you so they can face theirs? It is not for the faint at heart, and an identity I have only recently begun to unpack and accept.

Bringing it back to the upcoming New Moon, Scorpio demands that we dig deep, unearthing the dark parts of ourselves that we would probably rather hide from. When we are faced with our shadow, we have two choices: avoid or greet. For me, avoiding is like candy corn; seems like a good idea at the time, but always leaves me feeling sick and disappointed. Honest shadow work requires us to greet the difficult parts of ourselves with compassion and kindness; like when you consistently give a scared dog love until it agrees to come in and become a part of the family.

For this New Moon in Scorpio, I invite you to greet your shadow. Doesn’t have to be the deepest, darkest, most toxic part of yourself. Perhaps it’s that self-sabotaging habit that became abundantly clear during the retrograde; right at the surface, asking to be shown some love so it can be healed. New moons offer us the opportunity to consciously and thoughtfully commit to something. With this Scorpio New Moon, consider committing to integrating a piece of yourself; a piece that’s been left outside, but is perhaps ready to come in, or at the very least ready to be fully seen.